Three Things That Make Hungry Texans Weep
November 8, 2017 by noelbranham in People, Texas 6 Comments

Texans are known for their incredible taste in food, whether it’s BBQ, Tex-Mex, or just plain Southern they know how to make your mouth happy. That said, there are some things that come across to Texans as just plain wrong when it comes to food: Calling queso cheese dip. This is America people, use the language of native Texans: Queso. It’s Spanish for cheese, and English for the ‘Nectar of the heavens.’  The only time you will hear a Texan saying ‘cheese’ and ‘dip’ in the same sentence is if they have come out with a new kind of cheddar flavored tobacco. (Fun fact: If you add enough jalapenos, tomatoes, cilantro, and onions to your queso, it becomes a vegetable.) Asking if it’s cilantro or parsley in the checkout line. Many Texans have noticed that the second they step out of their beloved state’s borders there is a lack of understanding about the differences between cilantro (Not pronounced SEE-LAWN-TROGH) and parsley. If it has hints of a soap-like fragrance and you have the sudden urge to throw it in queso, it’s cilantro. If you really want to make a Texan confused, refer to cilantro as ‘coriander leaves’, they will politely correct you with their southern charm. […]

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The Top 3 Worst Things about Texas
August 1, 2017 by noelbranham in Texas 2 Comments

Yes. You read that title right. As blasphemous as it sounds there are some things wrong with Texas. Let’s look at them in detail:  It ain’t big enough. We’ve all heard it. El Paso is closer to San Diego than to Houston. It’s astounding. But isn’t that still a little sad? Shouldn’t it be… Santa Fe, TX, is closer to New Orleans, TX, than New York, TX. (See what I did there?) You know it would be the best possible solution if we just made our great big state even bigger! There ain’t enough Texans. You read me right, partner… there ain’t. (Which definitely IS a word). You see, if there were enough Texans to go around, they would be able to infect the world with their friendliness and the proper terms when referring to a few people, (y’all) and when referring to a large group of people, (All y’all). The day when all y’all people of the world say y’all and are kind to each other… is the day you know there are enough Texans inhabiting it. Breakfast tacos don’t exist outside the state. That’s right. The moment you exit the Promised Land of Texas and drive over the state line is […]

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